How to talk to patients about sex
A discussion about sexual health can take place with any patient, however, in particular consider talking to people
- Are in the age group at highest risk for STIs (15 – 25 years)
- Have had a recent change of sexual partner or relationship break-up
- Have multiple sexual partners
- Request a sexual health check
- Attend for a genitourinary complaint
- Attend for a cervical smear test
- Attend for contraception
- Are pregnant (which may include termination of pregnancy or antenatal advice)
- Have a condition or are on medication that may inhibit sexual function (e.g. diabetes, beta blockers, SSRIs)
Health professionals may also wish to include a discussion about sexual health as part of a new patient appointment.
Patients often present with other concerns although the main reason for the consultation is a sexual health issue. Consultation
skills are important in allowing the patient to discuss the sexual health issue (the “hidden agenda”).
Provide a welcoming and comfortable environment
A consultation setting that is welcoming, comfortable and confidential is more likely to encourage openness when talking
about sex. Practices should consider displaying literature in waiting rooms and consultation rooms that stresses the private
and non-judgemental nature of their service.2
Explain that talking about sex is a routine aspect of healthcare and ensure that the patient does not feel that they
have been singled out or suspected of being likely to have an STI. For example you could say “we ask all our patients
about their sexual health…” or “most people are having sex, so we ask about it…”.
Consider developing a practice policy on how to address sexual health issues with patients with communication difficulties
e.g. English not first language, hearing impaired, learning difficulties.1 Also consider cultural and ethnic
differences and religious beliefs.
Take a sexual history
A sexual history should start with open questions, and then focus on areas of concern. Key skills for effective history-taking
include knowing how to address attitudinal issues to sexual behaviour, knowledge about a range of sexual practices and
understanding of the need to maintain confidentiality.2
Begin with questions about the patient’s social back-ground. This enables the patient to relax and any problems or risks
can be assessed in context. Ask about marital status, duration of relationship with current partner, number of previous
partners and their gender, home environment, family support, activities and interests.3
Discussion should also include questions about risk behaviours such as alcohol and illicit drug use, intravenous drug
use, sharing of needles, syringes or drug preparation equipment, sexual partners from another country or commercial sex
Next, ask more specific questions about sexual practices depending on the patient’s social history. Questions should
not be prescriptive and should be tailored to the individual patient and circumstances. Issues that usually should be
- Establish whether sexual activity is taking place
- Exposure history to determine specific risks and which sites need to be sampled; depending on the gender of partner(s),
type of intercourse or sexual practices
- Use of condoms and other contraception (including correct use and consistency of use)
- History of previous STIs or STI testing
- STI history of partner(s) or presence of symptoms suggestive of STIs
- Assessment of HIV, hepatitis B and hepatitis C risk
- Discussion of other sexual health issues e.g. erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginismus
- Discussion about sexual abuse and domestic violence
Generally, it is best to use medical terminology when discussing sexual health, however if appropriate, some colloquial
language could be used for sexual practices, especially if the medical term may not be understood e.g. cunnilingus vs.
Sexual orientation should be discussed as part of a sexual health check
It is important that patients are asked about their sexual orientation or gender of sexual partners, so any specific
health issues can be identified and testing targeted. This may include referral for counselling for younger patients who
require assistance in exploring their feelings and telling their friends and family. Some younger lesbian, gay, bisexual
or transgender people may be at increased risk of depression, suicide, substance abuse and violence.
In a study of 131 people aged 14 to 18 years, who openly identified themselves as lesbian, gay or bisexual, only 35%
reported that their doctor knew about their sexual orientation. Almost two thirds (64%) said that their doctor should
“just ask them”. Of those who had disclosed their status to their GP, 57% thought that their healthcare had improved as
a result.4 Doctors should have some relevant information regarding support groups for young gay, bisexual or
lesbian people if they disclose their sexual preference (see list of resources below).
Ask about symptoms
As part of a sexual health discussion, patients should be asked about genitourinary symptoms, regardless of whether
this was the reason for their consultation. This may reveal overlooked or ignored problems.2
- A recent change in vaginal discharge or urethral discharge
- Vulval or genital skin problems
- Peri-anal/anal symptoms
- Lower abdominal pain
- Changes in menstrual cycle, irregular bleeding or post-coital bleeding
If sexual history or symptom assessment results in laboratory testing, establish how results will be given and discuss
any confidentiality issues.
Give advice about safer sex
Based on information gained from sexual history and symptom assessment, individualised advice should be given about
practicing safer sex.
The only way to completely prevent STIs and other sexual health issues is to remain abstinent. However by modifying
risky behaviours, sex can be made safer.
- Younger people could be encouraged to express sexual feelings in other ways e.g. massage, mutual masturbation
- If a person chooses to have sex, consistently and correctly using condoms (or other barrier contraception) is a key
safer sex behaviour
- Even in a monogamous relationship, it may be appropriate to recommend condom use until both partners have had a sexual
- Condoms should always be used for anal sex to protect against STIs and other infections
- Older people may be less likely to have knowledge about STIs and safer sex methods, so could need extra advice and
Condoms provide protection against most but not all STIs
Condoms should be used for vaginal, anal and oral sex. If used properly, they protect against STIs that are transferred
through contact with genital secretions such as gonorrhoea, chlamydia, trichomonias, syphilis, HIV and hepatitis B and
C. Protection against diseases such as human papilloma virus, herpes simplex virus, scabies and pubic lice depends on
the site of the sore/ulcer or infection and whether this is covered by the condom.5
Condoms are provided free of charge from Sexual Health Centres and Youth Health Centres. They may also be prescribed
or obtained by practitioner supply order (PSO). There are a variety of products available in sizes 49 – 60 mm, regular,
extra strength or shaped. Choice of product is based on personal preference and self selection of size, however extra
strength products are recommended for use during anal sex. It is not necessary to use spermicidal condoms – they are no
more effective in preventing pregnancy and can cause vaginal irritation.
PHARMAC is currently consulting on listing a non-latex condom for those with a severe latex allergy.
Condoms should be stored in a cool, dry place and kept away from sunlight. Expiry dates should be checked before use.
Only water based lubrication should be used (e.g. KY jelly). Do not use Vaseline, oils (e.g. baby oil) or body lotions.
Best Practice tip: Young people who are resistant to condom use seem to listen more when they are told that condoms
protect against eight different infections and pregnancy.
Other barrier methods
Female condoms/femidoms/vaginal liners are available from family planning clinics and offer the same level of protection
against STIs as a regular condom for vaginal sex. They are made from polyurethane, with an inner ring to aid insertion
and an outer ring that rests on the female genital area. Female condoms can be disinfected after use with household bleach,
washed in detergent, dried and re-used approximately five times.
An oral dam (also known as a dental dam) is a thin square of latex that is placed over the vagina or anal area during
oral sex. These can be purchased from family planning clinics and some pharmacies or alternatively a cut open latex glove
may be used.
Special issues when talking about sex
Same sex partners
Some health professionals may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed asking about a patient’s sexual preference and discussing
same sex practices.
A common stereotype is that people with same sex partners have a much higher incidence of STIs due to many sexual contacts
and frequent casual or anonymous sex. However, the incidence of STIs is higher in people with multiple sexual partners,
regardless of sexual orientation. STIs are transmitted similarly for vaginal and anal sex, although HIV is more easily
transmitted through anal sex. Oro-anal sexual contact increases the risk for transmission of pathogens such as giardia
and hepatitis A. Bacteria may also cause urethritis in both men and women. Hepatitis B is more common in men who have
sex with other men but has not been shown to be spread by any specific sexual practices.6
- Avoid prejudice
- Do not presume that all people with same sex partners will engage in the same type of sexual behaviour. Up to one
third of homosexual men choose not to practise penetrative anal sex6
- Anal sex is also practised by heterosexual couples (up to 10% regularly)6
- If a doctor has personal beliefs about homosexuality, which would compromise the level of care a patient receives,
the patient should be referred to another doctor
- Ensure advice is accurate, it is better to ask for clarification of a certain term or practise rather than to offer
- Sexual orientation is not always fixed – do not presume that a man who has sex with another man is homosexual or that
a person who is married cannot be homosexual. Men or women may have a curiosity to experience same gender sex sometimes
Sex in very young people
A particular challenge facing health professionals is how to bring up the topic of sex with very young people, when
it is suspected that they may be sexually active.
Young people usually find it difficult to confide to someone about their sexual behaviour. Building trust is extremely
important. This is gained by maintaining privacy, confidentiality and a respectful, non-judgemental attitude at all times.
Sometimes a parent or carer will accompany a young person to a consultation and be aware of the reason for the visit.
But in most circumstances, accompanying adults should be asked to leave the room, before a discussion about sexual health
A social and sexual history should be taken and the patient encouraged to talk to a trusted adult. Anything that the
young patient discloses must be kept private and confidential from their parent or carer, unless they have consented to
In some situations, a health professional may judge that further action is required, especially if there are concerns
about the maturity and competency level of the young person. Questions which may aid in the decision whether to liaise
with a senior colleague, a paediatrician or a child protection team include:2
- Do parents/carers know about the sexual activity?
- Do parents/carers know they are attending the doctor?
- Has the young person had sex against their will?
- Age of partner – are there any legal ramifications? (The legal age of consent to sexual intercourse is 16)
- Are there issues of vulnerability (self harm, psychiatric illness, drug or alcohol misuse, internet grooming)?
- Is the young person under 13?
- Is the young person being paid/rewarded for sexual activity?
As a general guide, any cases involving non-consensual sex or abuse should be referred immediately to a paediatrician
or a doctor with special training (e.g. Doctors for Sexual Abuse Care - DSAC) as well as any relevant authorities (e.g.
Cases of people under 16 having consensual sex, should be reported to a public health officer or child protection service,
if there is a significant age difference between the young person and their partner, or if there are issues of concern
that may place the young person in physical or psychological danger.
Ideas for practice audits
- Patients asked about gender of sexual partner or if they have ever had a same sex partner
- Patients asked about condom use and offered condom prescription if appropriate
- Comprehensive sexual history noted
- HIV risk assessment performed
- Updated sexual history taken with new genitourinary complaints
- Patients asked if they have ever experienced sexual abuse or non-consensual sexual contact
Further reading and resources
Rainbow Youth – an organisation for gay, lesbian and bisexual youth, run by youth.
Ministry of Health “Hubba Hubba” – Safer sex information aimed at youth
The Word – Information on sex, life and relationships (Family Planning Association)
New Zealand Sexual Health Society – resources on safer sex and STIs
List of New Zealand sexual health clinics available from: